btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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