im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
