4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well you can't waste a boner
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
