did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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