i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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