wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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