pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
