I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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