he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
