how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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