I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
