I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
