I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
