Church boner. Awkwardddd
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
