He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
