can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
