Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
