we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
