watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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