i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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