Whod you bang
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
