I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
