Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
