so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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