This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
