He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
