just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i drank out of a bidet.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize