May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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