Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
