Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
