so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When are your genitals available?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
