I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize