He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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