Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
