you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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