Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
3 2 1 whiskey
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
