I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize