That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
