I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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