i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
