if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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