Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
