I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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