I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
