What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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