I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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