Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
