if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's never too late to be topless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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