I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
