I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
