He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
