Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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