i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
