is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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