Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
