Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
