i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
