good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
