Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
