I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
