You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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