someone threw a dead crab at me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
