I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
