I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize