he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
