I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
