I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
