we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His nipple licking is glorious
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